refreshing

deleted my old posts to start new.
so yesterday was the BEST way to kick off break/relationship with God. It was just extremely overwhelming. When we were taking the "journey" and Martin was like, "you are about to have a close encounter with Jesus," i was freaking out. All i kept thinking was Jesus is gonna see all my sins and flaws and i was just scared. But when i realized that Jesus will accept me the way i am, flaws and all, the feeling is so over whelming. Crying rivers and having an emotional breakdown while your friends brother is giving a hug doesnt sound fun, but most def it is.

I think one of the reasons i've been feeling so down lately is because i have so much to say to so many people, but i cant say it to them.
________, why cant you find the one person you want to be with and treat them with respect?
________, i want do be like you, believe like you, but i dont think i have the courage to face up to it. and it just feels like im hiding from Him.'
________, you have been such a good friend to me since the beginning of this year, and i want to thank you and apologize for not being a good friend back lately.
________, i have considered you my best friend since fifth grade, but now we barely talk. You have a new best friend and it hurts me when i realize that i just let it happen
________, i met you a while ago and thought you were a friggin god. Now, i have no idea where we stand.
and the most important:
Dear _________,
i was looking at my tenth birthday present you gave me. It mosty talked about how important God is and i should appreciate every moment He has given me. It was filled with positive quotes and sayings, supportive Bible verses, inside jokes and pictures. I dont understand how you had so much faith, you loved, lived, breathed the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, but when you graduated, it all fell away. You dont believe in Him, and it seems like sometimes you barely belive in yourself. You are my role model and i aspire to be like you one day. Dont give me a reason to give up on my dreams. Please find your way back. I know when the topic of religion is brought up i defend you, but that is because you are_____. Im not saying you have to be like your old self, but at least BELIEVE. and no that i will ALWAYS LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT.

i think that is a satisfying enrty
so im done.