im so deep

I talked to a friend today. Being "deep", getting in touch with my deepest, most burried feelings, my points of views, my most unthought thoughts, is the hardest thing for me to do. It is hard for me to talk to other people about what i really honestly truly think/feel/believe. Honestly, no one has ever seen that side of me.. ever. I think it's because i always preserved those things to be between God and I. And even then, I feel myself holding back, even when i talk to Him. For some reason, there is a wall, a huge gigantic wall between me and others, and unfortunately, sometimes God. This wall dissables me to connect on an emotional level.

Sadness: an emotion characterized by feelings of disadvantage, loss, and helplessnes. When i feel like i am at disadvantage, loss, or helpless, the sadness that consumes me is not expressed well. It is burried, it is not shown. It is hidden behind genuine happiness that i make for myself. When im alone, at my most vulnerable state, even then that sadness is not visible, but just felt or thought. Everything that happens inside me, is never seen on the outside, not because i dont wanna show it, or i am masking it, but because, i dont know how to express it.

i guess i just need to learn.