the way i feel. ew. you were like a big brother to me, and then we stopped talking to each other. and then we started talking to eachother again, and now im afraid you will forget about me and our little used-to-be group of filipino misfits. im happy for you, but just afraid. even with the confimation that it wont happen, it will, trust.
But i dont wanna talk about that anymore. I dont wanna talk about boys because they DISAPOINT. foreal. I cant talk about school becasue i diasapoint. foreal. but i cant sheke this feeling of being lost, and knowing exactley what needs to get done, but not knowing how to start. Im afraid of staying in this feeling of being lost, and losing my faith. Im afraid that im drifting to much and leaving lots of friends. I feel like i might be jealous and i hate that feeling. I feel like that t.f. thing will never happen. Im afraid that the stuff that i worked for will blow up in my face. Im so scared.
im scared im going to start to change and everyone will hate me. Im scared im going to stay the same and everyone will leave me. Im scared im going to disapoint my family. I know that the people i hold dear to my heart have either left me or are going to leave me. I know that the new people i let into my life will replace me. (if you get that, good for you). I know that someday, im going to have to make a big decision about what i want t odo with my life. I know that soon, my heart will be crushed, and i know that the person who will do it will let it be slow and gradual. I know that the process of letting go is going on right at this moment. I know that when i try to confide in you, its awkward and not what it used to be. I know for a fact that im slowly getting pushed out of my own life. I know im so scared.
I want to tell you EXACTLEY how i feel, exactley how i picture us seeing eachother after 34509345 years.
I want to tell you that, as little kids, we had something (: and i want to tell you not to forget me.
I want to tell you that im happy for you and your guys's happiness, but its hard for me to see people like that in general, just knowing that i will always ruin it for me (if you get that, good for you)
I want to tell you that God is waiting for you, and if you want to believe, then just believe
I want to tell Relations that im done. But then again, what if that wasnt Relation's intention?
I want to tell you these things to your face, but i know i wont, because i cant, because im a coward.
so im done.
1 comment:
awwww,paige! I may not know all that's going on, but I do know this :God doesn't abandon us. Furthermore, God wouldn't let us remain alone in this world forever. He's always watching over us, and He will send someone to watch over you,too.
Go on AE, and I promise that you'll find that
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