i guess i didnt give up blogspot for a reason.

if someone were to ask me, "how are you?" I would say:
Honestly? I feel like running away.  I'm dead serious. I feel like getting the hell out of these problems, these holes that i have dug myself in. These deep dark holes i have dug myself in and let the walls collapse and cave in around me, making it impossible to get out.  I want to leave these situations, these problems, that are constantly haunting me. I want to leave it all behind. I want to leave Walnut behind.

if someone were to ask me, "what do you want the most at this moment?" I would say:
I want to fall asleep and never wake up. I want to live and thrive in my own dreams, where i am not vulnerable, and where I control what happens. I want to escape this joke that we call reality, not for the suggested 8 hours, but for a desired 8 lifetimes. I am sick of waking up in the morning and I am sick of going staring at clocks 6 times a day in 55 minute intervals. I'm sick of abiding my textbooks, note book paper, and lectures that last longer than any euphoria I have experienced in my highschool life time. No I dont want to wake up, but i dont want to die. To die would mean to cease to exist, to not feel, to not think. I want to feel and think, but i dont want to feel and think these things anymore. i honestly just want to be happy.

if someone were to ask me, "Where does God fit in your life?" I would say:
I have always put him as my number one priority. High in the canopies of my list of important things in my life. Unfortunately i have become complacent, unmotivated.  Not caring, not wanting, to reach number one in anything for anything. I have unfortunately stopped reaching for God as much as i should. I have put him so high on my list that he is almost impossible to see.

if someone were to ask me, "How do you feel about your answers to these questions?" I would say:
2 years ago, on this exact day perhaps, i was not like this at all. i was the exact and perfect opposite.