Open the eyes on my heart, Lord

this weekend, my eyes were opened. why? because i saw 152 people proudly bear "SLYM" on their chest and stand together to rejoice in His glory, mercy, and his greatness.  this weekend my eyes were opened to how lucky i am to be with these people, and to know that MHCC, St Paul, St Philomena, St Liz, and all the other parishes were rejoicing in the same way. during adoration, and our skit, i realized how lucky blessed i am.  before today i was in this horrible cycle of being unmotivated, unappreciative, hateful, spiteful.  and at confirmation 2 retreat, bryan and jay's yg, witness meditation i promised myself that i would realize that im worth it because God decided to make me. i promised i wouldn't wish for God to blow away my life like dust, just so i could start over. i kept promising myself to try to make something out of the life that God had created for me, instead of not caring and just literally waiting for it to end.  I promised i would be thankful for everything. And everynight i would say empty thankyous and fly away prayers, but every morning i would wake up and face obstacles, problems that were pounding on my spirit, and i just wanted it all to go away. i wanted so badly to start over. i had lost hope.  and to me, that meant i had lost the true spirit of SLYM.  and SLYM was the only thing i could rely on, and i couldnt even find a way to connect with them.  But youth rally came along. And during adoration, all the songs that had impacted my life so much were being sung. each song reminded me of a time where i had specifically talked to God. and then i heard "I'll never know how much it cost to see my sins upon that cross." and it hit me.  God made me to be something, and here i was, for  a good year, hating my life, and hating what God had created just for me.  It made me realize that these problems that cause me so much pain, anxiety, hurt, that i was being protected from them. That i was falling, and falling fast, but God was always there to catch me before i hit bottom. so i pray that i can keep my promise this time.